if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
