I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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