look no pants
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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