Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
