There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
