He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
