He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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