omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
