And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
