Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
