Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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