The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
