girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
