Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
