I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
