the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
