what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
