i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
