can we get nightvision for the apartment?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
