Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
