I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
