I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
