Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i dont even know how to be here
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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