Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
