Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
