i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
