K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
