Can i not drive my cunt home
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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