Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
