and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
