I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
