from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
