you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
