this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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