It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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