I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
