My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
