I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
