It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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