i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
