I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
