Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
