i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
