I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
