the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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