you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
They are going to name an STD after you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
