she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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