i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
