I heard we made out
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
