Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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