There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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