I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
